Reflection

I was looking at my past posts the other day and loving every moment of what I wrote. I loved reading all about Hawaii and the fun horseback rides, along with the hula dancing that S did! It was like bringing me back to when we were there.

At the same time, though, I came across some of the entries that I wrote about the Bible Study I was doing on David, and the one we were doing at church. To me, I heard such passion and such excitement in what I wrote! It was so wonderful! Although, at the same time, I was discouraged. I can honestly say that I'm not in the same place. I wish I was, but I feel like I'm in a hole and can't get out. I've noticed that I'm not as excited to be in God's Word as I was then, and have difficulty keeping with it. I also haven't been journaling at all! Of course, then along with this stuff and not being connected to God as close as I would like to be, made me very questionable about the Bible Study we are doing now at church. Well, after a good talk with one of my friends, and after Bible Study last night, I think I have hit a turning spot in the road.

I think, well I actually know, that I was letting all the little things of this world get to me more than it should. I was trying to do things myself and not just surrender them to Christ. It all came to me last night as we were doing the Bible Study. We are studying Philippians and we are going thru each verse and pulling out observations and getting to the meaning of the text. At first, I was looking at it like homework and a class in school, but last night I realized that I'm just stubborn! I know what most of you are thinking... "You, stubborn? No not you! LOL " Yes, I know, I'm very stubborn. :) Anyway, we were talking about how Paul was confident in Christ and spreading the Good News. He was in jail and chained up, but still held strong to preaching the Word of God. He also talked about the positives to living and dieing and how he would continue to do God's work either way. He of course, would have been very content dieing and being with Christ, but knew that for the moment it was better for him to be alive. He was so confident, so determined, so in love with Christ that he would preach the Word wherever he was. Something about that determination and desire reached out and grabbed me last night. I now am feeling the desire and passion that I had awhile ago. I want to read, I want to journal, and now, I have a much better outlook on our Bible Study.

I would like to ask for some prayer, though. I still feel like I'm on the edge and could go back anytime. The stresses of today's economy weigh heavily on S and I, especially now with the next little one coming along. I pray that even though my head knows that God is in control, I need to just give it up to Him, let Him take care of me and my family, and concentrate on Him and what He wants me to do and has in store for me. My God is an awesome God and He is in control!!!!